my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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