dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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