i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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