I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize