No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
