God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
