Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
