so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
