Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
