There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
