My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
