rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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