Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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