Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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