Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
