i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
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I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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