do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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