I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
