I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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