Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
