So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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