If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
