I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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