Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
is that a dick in a sweater?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
