Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
