A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
