Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life is pants optional.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
