You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
