you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sarcasm needs its own font
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
