Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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