You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
