Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
