Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
