I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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