Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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