Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In other news, I just burned my penis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
