As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
