now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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