When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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