guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
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Swine flu is the new snow day.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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