My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
