He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize