Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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