"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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