she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
