i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
