Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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