she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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