3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
