they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Come on in and take your pants off
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