I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
