You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
