I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
