I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
