You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
