just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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