Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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