I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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