Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
