this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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