sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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